24 metų mergina: štai ką su tavimi padaro mados industrija, kuriai svarbu tik tai, kaip tu atrodai

Iš šalies žvelgiant mados pasaulis atrodo nuostabus – prabanga, pažintys, nuolatinės kelionės ir pinigai. Galbūt ir taip, kuomet esi vienas iš geidžiamiausių pasaulio modelių. Tačiau visoms kitoms merginoms – tai juodas darbas, neretai žalojantis tiek fiziškai, tiek emociškai. 

24 metų Taylah Roberts Instagrame pasidalino nuotrauka ir papasakojo, kaip jos akimis atrodo tikroji mados industrija.


„Viskas, ką aš matau kairėje pusėje esančioje nuotraukoje, tai liūdesys, išsekimas, nepasitikėjimas ir savivertės trūkumas, besislepiantis už dydžio. Štai ką su tavimi padaro mados industrija, kuriai svarbu tik tai, kaip tu atrodai“ – po socialiniame tinkle Instragram paviešinta nuotrauka rašė Taylah.


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❗️TW❗️All I see in the photo on the left is sadness, exhaustion, insecurity and lack of worth beyond size. This is what an industry only focusing on what your outer shell looks like does to you. Especially to someone that is not supposed to be that small, I was always always fighting to stay that way. Terrified that in an instant my dreams would be ripped away from me if the number on a measuring tape had increased by half an inch. I feel blessed to have almost fully recovered from this dark place I once called home but I still get glimpses of it and it’s usually around this time of year.. Fashion week. I see past the glossy backstage images of playful smiles, toned fit bodies, the most elite of the industry and remember the 5am wake ups, your face prodded with makeup all day, on and off until your eyes are bloodshot and can’t take it anymore. Your hair is pulled, curled, straightened, gelled, brushed, broken, extensions put in then ripped out, handled like it’s not attached to a person underneath. If you don’t smoke already now is the time to contemplate it, maybe that will make me not want to eat the sweets put out whilst I stand around in a bikini, waiting to be pushed onstage in shoes that are 2 sizes too small. These are just half the physical limits you’re pushed to don’t get me started on the emotional ones. Being told “if you’re not opening or closing the show that you’re just a filler.” Feeling humiliated in a room full of models when the castings director doesn’t even bother to look up from his desk when you’ve waited in line for hours. Comparing yourself to every single other girl and racking your brain as to why you didn’t book the show that you’ve always wanted. Questioning if it was my walk, am I not pretty enough, I must not be thin enough, I’m definitely not good enough. And this is only in Australia! Where it’s deemed “not as serious,” “not as bad” and “chill in comparison to FW overseas.” I cast for couture one show season in Paris and I thank fuck I didn’t book any of those shows. Don’t get me wrong there were some highlights, some smiles and memories shared with friends but all the shit that comes with it outweighs those moments CONT.

A post shared by TAYLAH ROBERTS (@taylahroberts1) on


Mergina prisipažįsta, kad kiekvienas papildomas milimetras jai keldavo stresą. Ji puikiai žinojo, kad būtent tai viską gali sugriauti, atimti iš jos svajonę, todėl visas jos gyvenimas virto nesibaigiančia kova su kilogramais.


„Matydama nudailintas užkulisių nuotraukas ir žaismingas šypsenas, nepriekaištingus kūnus ir industrijos elitą, prisimenu kėlimąsi 5 valandą ryto, makiažą, krauju pasruvusias akis. Tavo plaukai suimti, sugarbanoti, ištiesinti, sulaižyti, sušukuoti, pažeisti, priauginti ir tuomet nuimti. Jeigu iki šiol nerūkei, dabar pats metas pradėti – gal bent tai padės nenorėti suvalgyti ką nors saldaus kol lauki už scenos vilkėdama bikinį ir avėdama dviem dydžiais per mažus batus“ – pasakoja mergina.


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I can’t believe I spent so much of my life fearing food, fearing putting on weight, fearing a tummy roll or jiggle or anything other than looking like a coathanger. I genuinely thought if I put on weight people would judge me and that my friends would too. In saying that I did lose people who I thought were friends but they weren’t anyone I would want to have around. When you stop modelling it’s so funny people pretend they don’t know you it’s like you’ve suddenly stopped being cool to them because you’re not a size 6 anymore. My true friends always reminded me (and still do) that they would love me at any size. Let go of toxic people and surround yourself with positivity, people who make you laugh and who love you. Eat, drink, jiggle, laugh, smile and love - you weren’t put on this earth to diet your entire existence away.♥️💫 #selflove #positivebodyimage #love

A post shared by TAYLAH ROBERTS (@taylahroberts1) on

Taylah tikina, kad nelengvi fiziniai išbandymai – tai ne viskas. Dirbant modeliu kasdien tekdavo susidurti ir su emocinėmis krizėmis. „Svarbios būdavo tik tos merginos, kurios atidaro ir uždaro šou, visos kitos – tik užpildas. Tas pažeminimo jausmas, kuomet tarp daugybės modelių atrankos vadovas net nesiteikia pakelti galvos ir į tave pažiūrėti, kai lauki valandų valandas. Tas savęs lyginimas su kitomis merginomis ir nuolatinis savęs smerkimas, jeigu nebuvai pasirinkta – ar aš nepakankamai graži, ar aš nepakankamai liekna, savaime suprantama aš nepakankamai gera“. 


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